Cultural adaptability

I grew up with a crutch of false information. I always thought I had a disadvantage because I grew up in two cultures. It has been called TCK, MK, and a variety of other labellings. The intention of the labeling, the seminars, the books, the retreats, and the college clubs is to create a place or an environment where these "multi" cultural beings would be able to feel at home with those who were "like" them. This perception of "otherness" proved detrimental to me. Perhaps its my innate pessimism and my introvert self, but I began to believe that I didn't fit in anywhere. I thought that my experiences were so drastically different from others experience that I would in some way always be different. You can imagine what effect this plays in the psyche of one who has always been naturally socially uncomfortable.

My tendency now is to withdraw completely. To pretend like I really am different from the rest of the world, that I don't fit in and that I don't have to because I am a TCK. This is one of the biggest lies I have to which I have fallen prey. I have an innate need to belong, but have learned to isolate. It isn't that others are so different from me. With a world quickly giving way to globalization, the variety of culture in any given area is incredibly diverse, forget mentioning the different cultures caused by socioeconomic and regional geography. All of us are now in some way or another multicultural, unless you are a complete isolationist. We will all experience a variety of cultures and belong to a variety of cultures through out our lifetime. Many people have been able to find stability amidst the changing and the shifting. They expected it and dealt with it. Not me. I believed that I was different, that somehow I would always stand out because of my background. I am beginning to realize that all people are innately the same and if we can teach our children that others are more similar to them than they are different, then we will provide them with a framework of stability and self-confidence.

Conservative Talk Radio

I am a talk radio junkie. There are times when I revert back to the music stations, but it never lasts for long. Inevitably I find myself switching to the AM station, the same way I reach for the coffee beans on the top shelf of my pantry every morning. Although I am not on the right politically, I enjoy listening to the conservative talk show hosts, particularly since Obama became president. The rage of the entitled who have lost their privilege amuses me.

This morning I heard an advertisement for an event which supposedly will analyze the first one hundred days of Obama's campaign. In the advertisement it made negative mention of Obama shaking hands with Chavez and "skipping out" on the National Day of Prayer. Of all the things Obama has done in his first hundred days in office, these are two very trivial points to mention. I find it very difficult to take anybody, or any radio station seriously, who rallies behind these two points. They are merely media spin which are used to incite the conservative faithful to hate Obama because he has betrayed their country and their belief system.

In reality, Obama is the farthest thing from a traitor. In the first hundred days he has worked tirelessly to keep the country afloat and to repair our relationship with the world. Obama observed the National Day of Prayer. If he preferred to do so privately, like many godly Christians I know, let him do so. He is not betraying the Christian belief system, rather he is choosing humility. Let's not forget the difference between the pharisee and the penitent sinner in the eyes of God.

Latin America could be and should be the United State's greatest ally. It is bad enough that our corporations, and at times our government, have ravaged the land and the people. Do we really need to continue to make enemies? We are much more of a threat to them than they are to us. Latin America is merely waiting for their recognition on the world stage. They want and should be considered equals. Let's not look down on them because some of their governments tend towards socialism and the redistribution of wealth. We could learn from their thirst for social and economic equality.

If you are going to criticize Obama's first hundred days, please find something worth criticizing. You are doing yourselves, your listeners and society a disfavor by trying to characterize the President as a traitor to our beliefs and our nation.

Bernarda Alba and inhibitions

I find my life ruled by my inhibitions. There is a strong case for inhibitions, in fact they allow society to function efficiently, giving order to an otherwise chaotic world. They go hand in hand with the "que diran" so strongly described in the work of Garcia Lorca. The main character of his play "La casa de Bernarda Alba" is governed by a fear of what her neighbors might think. She rules her household with an iron fist, squelching any hint of independence or indecency from her daughters. Bernarda's inhibitions create a highly oppressive environment where her daughters burn for any show of genuine uninhibited self-expression. The plot hinges on the daughters uncontrollable thirst for freedom and self-determination with a complete disregard for the opinion of society.
Sometimes I remind myself of Bernarda. I try to control how others perceive me, hiding who I really am and revealing a fake self. Just like Bernarda's household I find parts of myself seeking freedom and self-determination. When I am unhappy it is usually because I feel my "self" or created "self" threatened, yet my moments of happiness are found in moments where I overcome my inhibitions. In the play the only character who has a moment of happiness, albeit fleeting, is Adela. She wears green when the others wear black and courageously defies Bernarda. There is something to be said for the courage a person has to self-express. They tend to be the most magnetic. There is a certain attraction to a person who is able to express themselves freely, with few inhibitions.
So I sit here and wonder. How do my inhibitions affect my life? Why do I insist on wearing black when there is a whole array of colors to choose from? Identity and self-determination are very easily lost for me in my futile, although persistent, attempt to control the impression I have on others. It's a shame society, at all levels, is oppressive and still more a shame that I struggle to find the courage to push back.

Transitions

I have come to a realization: I am bad at transitions. Any interruption in my schedule, any unexpected event, any detour from the normal routine can really throw me for a loop. I used to think that I was good at transitions, that I was a chameleon adapting to any situation that I found myself in. Now, I realize that I don't adapt, instead I ignore. If things change I choose to ignore the problem or issue and wait for things to return to normal. My plan is flawed, because things never really return to normal. Here is where the problem arises because I want to meet every circumstance in the same way, with the same attitude and belief system. Yet things have changed. Yesterday is not the same as today, nor will it be the same tomorrow. Relinquishing control and learning that people and circumstances change turns into a daily struggle for me. I can control that which I know and am familiar with, I can't control the unknown. This is why I am horrible at transitions, because I don't embrace the unknown, I ignore it. So what do I do with the unending barrage of transitions that make up my life? Well... I usually hide. Sometimes I hide behind anger, stubbornness, withdrawal, and many other types of avoidance behavior. What should I do? I should pray, I should have courage, I should embrace the change, I should expect change. People and things in this world are in a constant state of flux, the sooner I accept it, the sooner I will be able to transition.